The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am naked and annoyed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
