When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want to make a zoo with you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
