shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
