here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
