dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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