Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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