Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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