I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Come share oat with me in your robe
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
