Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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