i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
