i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
