Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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