he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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