I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
