We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
