she woke up with a sticky ear
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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