Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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