Pants 0. Shit 1.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
