And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
