Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
