when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The uberlube is also flammable
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
