dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
