We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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