We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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