I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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