Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We need to rekindle our bromance
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need a beard to bite.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
