You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
