It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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