I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
worst night to have a conscience
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
