take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
