I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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