I'm drive I can fine osifer
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
