so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
