I have demons in me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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