No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
