Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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