Apparently you make a good broom.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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