Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
