Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
