I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
