Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
