on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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