I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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