there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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