sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize