is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
