Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
