Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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