Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
