i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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