Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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