a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
