I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
