If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
