i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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