HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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