its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
how drunk are you?
Several
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
