We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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