So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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