I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
