Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
