Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
