btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
