That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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