I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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