It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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