it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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