Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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How many fucks given?
0.12846
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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