I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
