you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
