come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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