I accidentally had phone sex last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
