just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
