i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
